


wavering emotions

by jirochan



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jirochan/pseuds/jirochan
Summary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzfQhV3G_MU
Relationships: N | Natural Harmonia Gropius/Touko | Hilda
Kudos: 13





	wavering emotions

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in September 2017

He sat there staring off into the distance and listening to the faint whistle of the wind traveling throughout the remains of his castle. He knew it probably didn't serve him well to dwell on the past but he had taken to often coming to this particular spot when he wished to be alone, away from Anthea and Concordia and the rest of the world. Opposite him was where his throne used to sit before it was destroyed. The particular spot of the stone-cold ground he sat on was where she stood, where she beat him. And right up ahead was where he got onto Reshiram and flew away in a flurry of emotion, of confusion. He had no idea how to deal with the revelations, how to cope with the fact that all along, his noble cause was not so noble after all.

He knew it didn't serve any purpose to dwell on the past. But as he sat there with only his own thoughts to keep him company, his mind began to see her in everything. He admired her and continued to do so. He was eternally grateful to her. As he sat there, he could not help but wonder if she thought of him too. Did she look back on the events that occurred here in regret? He hoped she was happy. He told her to go pursue her ideals to make her dreams a reality. Her two-year absence was proof enough that she had taken him up on that suggestion. However, what was her dream?

He didn't know what his dream was.

He had recently been able to get to grips with trusting humans more, accepting battling as a way of life to most. He wanted to be more comfortable with himself. He wanted to find a way of life for himself without his father. And he found it. His life was rather aimless. He often wondered with no purpose. However, he had a home and people he could call friends. When he was not taking in injured or abused pokemon he had come across, he was hanging out with Rosa. He had begun to enjoy the girl's company. However, he felt guilt in knowing that a large portion of the reason he had warmed up to her so much was that she reminded him of her.

He was fine living in relative monotony. He liked the life he had managed to establish for himself and he was proud of himself from being able to drag himself out of the abyss that his father threw him into but he was unsure if he was happy living this way forever. Was it selfish to want more?

There was an empty space. One that could only be filled by her, he was certain.

Sometimes he rode the ferris wheel with Rosa. He enjoyed the rides very much. He enjoyed the slow movement of the wheel as they rose into the sky and were then lowered back down again. He enjoyed his conversations with Rosa during the rides and enjoyed learning from her. Even so, there was constantly a sadness inside him. He knew that he should be grateful for Rosa's help and company. He should be grateful for being saved from Ghetsis once more. He should be grateful he had a roof under his head, his adoptive sisters to take care of him, a loving friend, and had sunken into relative normality. Yet he wanted her to come back. It felt like things would not be right until she had returned. She was the last figure in the equation for his happiness. She was the last piece of the puzzle.

They never really had a normal conversation before, he realized. Whatever her interests were, she would probably be passionate about them. She seemed like the person that would rant for ages before realizing that the listener had become lost. He wanted to see her eyes light up at the things she loved. He wanted to know what she loved. He realized that he didn't know her and he wanted to. If that was the case, then how could he have fallen for her like this? Was he being stupid?

If she did hypothetically return, he wouldn't burden her with his feelings. He would only thank her and welcome her return. She likely didn't know he was back in Unova again. Childishly, he wanted to think that if she did, she would have stormed back to find Ghetsis and save him. What if she knew but simply did not care enough to help him? Why should she have to help him, he countered.

She allowed him to leave. Yet he mistakenly thought she'd still be here for him when he came back.

He had become frustrated once again. Why was he feeling so selfish, wishing to rip her away from her dream? He probably wouldn't have the heart to force her back to him if he did know where she was but he’d tell her of his confusion and of his feelings. Of how the thought of her dried his throat, caused his stomach to lurch. Then maybe she'd come back.

Hilda was a good person. She would have helped anyone in trouble. He wasn’t important. He supposed his dream, however silly it was, was to have never been tainted by his father. Or, to have never left her. He dreamed that she was by his side and enjoyed his company, he, her’s. They'd go to the ferris wheel, they’d do those things he was told couples did. They'd hold hands and he’d blush. She’d laugh at his embarrassment and simply grip his hand tighter as they walked. They'd kiss. He’d mess up. He'd be too eager or bump his nose against hers. She'd simply patiently let him try himself before she'd kiss him passionately. She’d show him what being in love was like, what being loved was like.

His breath hitched and a particularly strong gust of wind smacked him in the face. At that, he frowned and decided he’d slowly make his way back to Anthea and Concordia and their little home on the hill. He didn't regret what he did, he decided. After all, everything led him to meet her. But there were too many things left unsaid, too much fear of rejection and too much hurt and confusion. N decided he wouldn't tell her. He wouldn't stand in the way of her dream, whatever it was even if it meant risking his. Rosa took the weight off his shoulders when the world became too heavy. He would let her continue to do so. He’d figure out a sensible dream in time. An achievable one.


End file.
